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| My escape |
Things have been changing rapidly for my life at a rate I am not comfortable of. Even though the school semester is finished and I passed my classes (with relatively good grades!), I never fully settled into the routine and still feel like a fish out of water returning to full time work. The biggest struggle I face is wanting to do anything after work.
I used to work from 8-4 and although I'm not a morning person, getting off at four left me plenty of momentum to do things in the afternoon (even nap!). Now I work from 8:30 to 5 and as much as I appreciate the extra half hour of sleep I can't get over the feeling I get when I am off. Between 4 and 5 I turn into the grumpiest little toddler you have ever seen demanding wine and a nap.
At 5 I have a few options; get over my feelings and cry my way to the barn where I am reminded I love riding and horses and don't understand why I'm a little bitch or feel both guilty and relieved to just drive home (trying not to fall asleep at the same time). Or, I can feel so empowered from the barn to power on and drive to ride Monty where I am again reminded why I bought this fabulous creature and why horses are worth every ounce of my life.
It seems like an easy decision, but for whatever reason, I'm having a hard time driving my emotional self to the barn. I think the reason why I get so emotional (besides just that extra hour) is the lingering thought that things at my house need to get done. I need to ~be myself~ again (looking at you, eyebrows that are overdue for plucking). I can barely take care of my self (I really am a toddler) and that emotional impact is driving me crazy.
I got so behind in my daily indulgences that going through the motions is just not doing it for me anymore. Everything in my life feels like a chore until I actually do it. But getting myself to do these "chores" is so emotionally exhausting for me.
I know I sound like a whiny child, and that's just because I am right now. I really am trying to get my ducks in a row so life can be more enjoyable again, but the fuckers keep taking off in different directions every time I think I have them straight.
At 5 I have a few options; get over my feelings and cry my way to the barn where I am reminded I love riding and horses and don't understand why I'm a little bitch or feel both guilty and relieved to just drive home (trying not to fall asleep at the same time). Or, I can feel so empowered from the barn to power on and drive to ride Monty where I am again reminded why I bought this fabulous creature and why horses are worth every ounce of my life.
It seems like an easy decision, but for whatever reason, I'm having a hard time driving my emotional self to the barn. I think the reason why I get so emotional (besides just that extra hour) is the lingering thought that things at my house need to get done. I need to ~be myself~ again (looking at you, eyebrows that are overdue for plucking). I can barely take care of my self (I really am a toddler) and that emotional impact is driving me crazy.
I got so behind in my daily indulgences that going through the motions is just not doing it for me anymore. Everything in my life feels like a chore until I actually do it. But getting myself to do these "chores" is so emotionally exhausting for me.
I know I sound like a whiny child, and that's just because I am right now. I really am trying to get my ducks in a row so life can be more enjoyable again, but the fuckers keep taking off in different directions every time I think I have them straight.
An afternoon snack (around maybe 2 or 3) usually helps me get through a slump. Something with protein pared with a little carb and something sweet.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to adulthood. :) L has a great suggestion there with a snack - I usually need a snack or coffee at that time of day to get through the rest of the day! You will figure it out - make the important things in your life a priority!
ReplyDeleteif indulgences start feeling like chores it might be worth taking a little break from them, simplifying and what not. letting go of some guilt and just taking the time to do what you gotta do to feel good!
ReplyDeleteUgh, adulting is hard yo. I echo the afternoon coffee idea -- works great for me. Also, even just taking one day off from the barn to do other stuff helps me feel like I'm not neglecting all my other responsibilities.
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