Monday, April 1, 2019

Through rain, we bloom


I still get gut wrenching tinges of heartbreak. Last week it happened when a friend asked me if I wanted to join her to celebrate her pony's birthday on April 7th. I remembered that was Riesling's too. I started bawling in the passenger seat of the truck, reminiscing on our memories together.

 He really wasn't fancy or that much of a "unicorn". Towards the end of our journey I complained he was predictable and boring. However, he always felt like home and I knew I would be safe. Yet I didn't want to ride much then, but for a different reason. I wanted something more fun and challenging. I wanted to ride talent. I didn't necessarily begin to ride talent, but I rode new horses. They were fun and different. It made me have a new respect for my "boring" OTTB. As I knew Riesling's consistent soundness was coming to an end, I knew it was time to purchase a second horse. And so I did. 

I haven't ridden in six months. Part of it is fear. I haven't really wanted to ride. I absolutely adore my horses but I've been afraid. I somehow ended up with three green horses and a lease mare that while 90% of the time is fun and safe, I only think about the other 10% where she can be hot and spooky. In my last semester of college I really didn't have the extra time to ride. I felt justified in not riding, and when I took it off my plate I felt relief. I love my horses, but when every ride is a training session, it can be a chore to get in the saddle. Then winter hit, and I knew my horses would be fine with some additional time off. I found a new job and told myself I would get settled in a new routine and wouldn't stress about working the horses. Now it is spring and I still haven't ridden. At least I came to the conclusion it was time for change. 

I love my horses and I love the progression of green horses but I just don't physically have enough time to ride 4 horses consistently. I've made the decision to sell my horses. Maybe they all will go, maybe I'll keep one or two. But it isn't fair to hold them hostage with my hopes and dreams. I want to want to ride again. As I settle more into my new life, I am feeling more like spending time with the horses. But with an amateur's time and money, riding has got to be fun for me again. I don't regret my purchases. I only hope that they will find an owner with the time to turn them into the incredible horses I know they can be. 

Monday, January 14, 2019

Paradigm Shift



Ever since graduation I've been stuck in a weird element. I've been in school nearly my entire life. I've worked part-time since I was 15 years old. And now, I'm leaving that life behind and joining the new reality of full time hours.

As of last Thursday I've accepted a new position at a different local credit union. I'm excited to start something new but I'm hopelessly nervous. I'm stepping in to a new role where I'm hoping my experience and education will make me successful. I'm sure they will, but I can't help but feel inadequate. I need to grow in my professional career and any steps towards that growth will mean change. Change is scary. My current life is now filled with many big changes and I'm afraid.

My new position is also located 50 minutes from my house. My schedule is going to be highly structured and strict during the week. I'm sure I can handle it, but the looming anxiety fills me with tension. I also have other big changes I'm making with the horses. I'm ready to leave this weird void in my life but I'm not sure if I'm ready to see where life takes me.

Friday, December 28, 2018

Prisoner



It was not my intention to fall silent. But in order to succeed, I had to drop it all. The horses were turned outside, the hobbies were pushed to the side, and it was just me and boxes glasses of wine. But I accomplished the goal. I am officially a graduate with a degree in Business Administration from Boise State University. And ultimately at the end of it all, I feel lost and it is time to find myself. I'm happy to have this blog to fall back on to explore who I want to become. I've missed everyone and I can't wait to immerse myself in months of catching up on the goings on of the world around me.



Monday, September 17, 2018

Les Bois Dressage I & II



After having done the show a few weeks prior, I was feeling overall pretty excited to compete again, especially because it was at the same facility. I had a slight worry that the last time had been a hoax but overall I knew that it would go well. Les Bois Dressage was pretty much a repeat of Boise River minus the ridiculously generous judge. I was only able to do one test each day, (T-3), so it was pretty low key. My goal was to just have another productive show and get some nice higher scores for Training level.



Because my braids looked so horrendous last time I did something very sinful. I didn’t have the time or energy to pull, so I shaved the underside of E’s mane. It worked out surprisingly well and I would only recommend it if you aren’t planning on having a full show season and your mane resembles that of a draft horse (E is half shire). If I show E next year I will definitely hire someone to pull her mane in spring and just maintain it throughout the year.




Overall I thought my scores for this show were very fair and Saturday received a 66+% (a little low IMO) and Sunday a 72+%. The show was incredibly laid back and fun and I wish I could have been in the running for a champion ribbon! 


Friday, September 14, 2018

Clearer


Lately I've been noticing I have had a hard time reading things that are far away. I didn't think much of it and assumed it was at a normal distance to not see. I always kind of joked about things being blurry. One day in class my coworker (I share a class with two coworkers!) asked if I could read a sign across the classroom. I kind of looked at him and laughed, fully believing now one could really read the sign that well. My other coworker looked at me funny and told me to try on her glasses as normally she couldn't read it either. I didn't expect to notice a huge difference but immediate could READ. What?!?

I don't think I've had an eye exam since middle school and quite frankly never thought I needed one. But that day after I left class, I called the eye doctor and set up an appointment. Sure enough I could use some plastic in front of my eyes. I couldn't get over he trial glasses and kept laughing like a child every time I took them on and off. Sure enough, I had the same response when I got my glasses for real.

So, teach me blogland, what do I do now? Ride with glasses or without? Try to transition to contacts even though I have a fear of poking my eyeball? I couldn't even go 6 hours without scratching them as I thought I was super smart when using paper towels to dry them off *facepalm*