Sometimes you aren't necessarily looking for a big change in your life but you just happen to get it anyway. Just like an arrow, life will pull you back so far only to launch you forward.
|I'll miss this|
The first big change was with the horses. I've always had these feelings of needing to move forward but I wasn't quite ready. As you last read, something inside me just set me over the edge. I can't quite explain how I gathered the strength, but I'm sitting here typing this blog post incredibly thankful I had the courage to move forward. I opened a new savings account and began to purge my collection of tack. I was going back down to one horse and didn't need my current collection to outfit 4+ horses. My goal was to be able to save up and buy something in the next few years. I had my moms horse, Vermont, and the generous gift of my friends horse to ride as well in the meantime. I could try and get my life settled (getting married, eventually buying a house, creating a career path) and when I was in a better position mentally, I would have the funds to buy my unicorn.
I was at a baseball game with my mom one evening telling her my life woes and she encouraged me to look into a young horse. I was shocked, but she must have just been so thrilled I was going to only have one horse again she wanted me to find it sooner rather than later. I begun a casual search. I didn't really have the money I was expecting to need but no harm in some casual internet searches, right?
I came across an old Facebook ad from a semi-local breeder wanting to sell one of her broodmares. The ad was old and the horse was sold but I was curious and sent them a message being extremely candid about my situation. They told me they had a 2 year old gelding that might work and he wasn't too far outside of my current cash on hand. I ran it by my mom and a close friend. The next weekend, we figured "why not" and took a day trip to the farm for funsies. The gelding was quite sweet but just wasn't quite the right horse for me. We asked if she had any other babies available and she said she had two fillies. The first filly was 2 years old and quite nice, but we just didn't click. Then we went to look at the third filly. Now I distinctly remember when we pulled up to the farm I thought this one foal stood out. But in the wrong way; she appeared red roan from far away and quite petite. I mistakenly assumed she was a quarter horse. When we went to grab the third filly, the breeder stepped past the big bay and went and haltered the red roan looking filly. I was kind of surprised until I realized how dumb I was - she was just a chestnut going grey. She had appeared so much smaller because she was the only yearling on the property.
She was incredibly sweet and didn't bat an eye at anything I threw at her. She was kind and happy to just hang out. She reminded me a lot of Riesling. She was put together well and had a good brain on her shoulders. I really wanted her to be mine. And the best part? Her name was Rosie.
Work, a financial institution I started at in January, had been stressful for quite some time. We had been short staffed and the team wasn't functioning as cohesively as it needed to. There had been some turnover that made the dynamic change. The loan officer was newly pregnant and found herself staying home more than expected. In this industry, we only have enough people hired that are required. Having her gone frequently and unable to fill other positions made the day to day extremely taxing. One day, the loan officer and my branch manager came to a mutual understanding it just wasn't working anymore for either of them. The loan officer left. At this point I was working as a personal banker. I learned my job quick, however, and was longing for more. There wasn't anything inherently wrong with my position, but I wanted to use my brain a little more. When my loan officer left, I was given an incredible opportunity to take the position. I had been working hard and killing my goals at my current position and was already trying to prep for the next opening. It just happened to come much sooner than I expected.
I accepted the promotion August 23 and have been really happy ever since. It has been a large adjustment moving to a supervisory role while much younger than my peers. The art of lending will be a long journey to learn as well. But I'm incredibly happy being able to use my analytical skills more. My teammates are incredibly supportive of my move and I find joy in mentoring those I lead. I feel like I am on a path with my career that I will enjoy for awhile and is giving me the growth I need.
|Cheers to the good memories|
Between the horse instability and my job, I really needed a break to mentally get back on track. The universe doesn't take suggestions though. My renting struggles were continuing to grow as my commute ate up most of my free time. I knew my fiance and I weren't ready to buy a house and our goal was to start looking after the wedding next June. Regardless, an opportunity arose for us to buy. My parents had been pushing us to buy for awhile and their generosity to make it happen soon obligated us to say yes.
As of October 1st, the farm life is no more. We moved down the street into a subdivision and I'm still struggling with the change. I'm incredibly happy and grateful for the chance to buy my own home, don't get me wrong, but it is a huge change. Packing up the tack room was one of the most emotionally exhausting tasks for me. Every piece of tack I hadn't sold yet held memories. I remembered first bringing Riesling home to the first farm. I remembered moving all the horses into the fancy new place. I remembered happy, fun, or even scary times with the horse that last wore the item. It refreshed my feelings of loss and grief between all the horses that had crossed my path. My life had suddenly done a 725 degree turn (it got real crazy, ok?) in all sorts of directions I wasn't expecting.
I'm encountering the biggest first world problem and I feel guilty for my feelings. Here I should be so happy for this incredible future I'm about the build, and yet I'm still struggling to move on from the past. To accept what happened, happened. An era ended before I expected it to. I have so many wonderful things going for me, I'm just not quite settled from dust.