Monday, April 1, 2019

Through rain, we bloom

I still get gut wrenching tinges of heartbreak. Last week it happened when a friend asked me if I wanted to join her to celebrate her pony's birthday on April 7th. I remembered that was Riesling's too. I started bawling in the passenger seat of the truck, reminiscing on our memories together.

 He really wasn't fancy or that much of a "unicorn". Towards the end of our journey I complained he was predictable and boring. However, he always felt like home and I knew I would be safe. Yet I didn't want to ride much then, but for a different reason. I wanted something more fun and challenging. I wanted to ride talent. I didn't necessarily begin to ride talent, but I rode new horses. They were fun and different. It made me have a new respect for my "boring" OTTB. As I knew Riesling's consistent soundness was coming to an end, I knew it was time to purchase a second horse. And so I did. 

I haven't ridden in six months. Part of it is fear. I haven't really wanted to ride. I absolutely adore my horses but I've been afraid. I somehow ended up with three green horses and a lease mare that while 90% of the time is fun and safe, I only think about the other 10% where she can be hot and spooky. In my last semester of college I really didn't have the extra time to ride. I felt justified in not riding, and when I took it off my plate I felt relief. I love my horses, but when every ride is a training session, it can be a chore to get in the saddle. Then winter hit, and I knew my horses would be fine with some additional time off. I found a new job and told myself I would get settled in a new routine and wouldn't stress about working the horses. Now it is spring and I still haven't ridden. At least I came to the conclusion it was time for change. 

I love my horses and I love the progression of green horses but I just don't physically have enough time to ride 4 horses consistently. I've made the decision to sell my horses. Maybe they all will go, maybe I'll keep one or two. But it isn't fair to hold them hostage with my hopes and dreams. I want to want to ride again. As I settle more into my new life, I am feeling more like spending time with the horses. But with an amateur's time and money, riding has got to be fun for me again. I don't regret my purchases. I only hope that they will find an owner with the time to turn them into the incredible horses I know they can be. 


  1. <3 Hugs.
    I know things will get better for you. Your journey with horses isn't over <3

  2. Oh, dear. This is hard I know. I am sure that you will find good homes for them.

  3. Take your time. Your horses don't care if they're being ridden or standing in a field. They will be fine and so will you.

  4. aww *hug* I'm sorry this is the conclusion you've come to, but riding will always be there and I'm sure your ponies will find good homes.