Perception

Last Monday was my first day back at BSU where I continued to fall into the past habits I always do. I hadn't bought any books, nor a parking pass. I didn't know where my classes were or quite frankly, the names of half of them.

I sat down at my laptop an hour before I had to leave and decided I should probably buy a new parking pass. Much to my dismay, all the passes were sold out. This wasn't common compared to the past few years I have bought one. I called up to ask about the wait list and found out they were 200+ persons long.

Today I added an extra 25 minutes to my commute time and parked off campus. The air inside my building was disgustingly too cold and I wasn't prepared for the feeling of walking in an oven when I finally left my classes for the day. It was a frazzled to start my day, but at 2:45 pm I found myself leisurely strolling back to my car. I had time to think. I thought about where I was and I reminisced about what I would be doing if I was walking back to my old apartment or house instead of walking to my car to take a commute home.

I'd stroll home with an afternoon left to my day with no plans. Maybe I'd float the river. Maybe I'd play beer pong in my backyard with my roommate. Maybe I'd tan. Or maybe I'd decide it was too hot outside and I'd lay in bed and watch Netflix.

Life with less responsibilities. Life with seemingly more fun and more time to do what I want. Why did I give that all up to have so much on my plate and so much more stress?

But I thought long and hard and really remembered how I felt. Even though I look back now and think about how "easy" life was without everything going on that I do now, I still was stressed. I still was worried about money, worried about time, worried about my weight. I worried about saving up for the next show and about school and getting along with my roommates. I worried about boys and family and friends.

I decided stress is a state of mind. Even though I technically have more things in my life to be stressed about now than I did back then, I also have so much more positive and joyous things in them as well. While four horses is a lot to take care of and definitely more expensive, I have four horses! I mean, how kickass is that? Sure farm life and living in my own space has a lot more responsibility, but I'm living with the person I love and get to live the life I always dreamed of! I most certainly cannot say that my living arrangement was dream worthy when I lived with any of my roommates.

Maybe adulthood isn't all that its cracked up to be yet. I'm only transitioning. But I have no reason to keep holding on to the stresses that will always be. Live and let live.