Thursday, February 18, 2016

Chicken with the head cut off

That's me. Running around blindly. Probably a bad idea to write a blog at 11 pm but this is going to keep me up all night.

I'm having my "pre-life crisis" (because I'm just barely an adult). And WHAT AM

I've never really had this panic before. Not quite this full blown. Do I want to own a barn? Do I want a future in the horse business? Would I explode in a 9-5 job?? 

I'm irritated with school (mostly calculus and dumb teachers that DON'T STICK TO THE SYLLABUS). I'm kind of wondering why I'm doing this. I'm wondering if I should have gone to be a working student after highschool instead. 

I mean I'll get this degree even if it leaves me heavily wounded by the end of it. I'm too far in and I don't think I would regret getting a degree. 

But I know what I like in my life. Sleep. Naps. Cooking. Tacos. Playing with and taking care of my animals. I like planning. I like seeing end results. Wine and Netflix. No set schedule. 

What do I do with that? I had everything planned out with my career counselor but now I don't know if that's what I want anymore (I've always had things "figured out" so this makes me paranoid that my entire life is a lie). 

I know life is a journey and you can make different career choices along the road. But my brain doesn't work that way. I need a final destination to drive towards. And not just a stop, but final. The thought of this organic lifestyle changing careers and lifestyles midway through freaks me out. I want to get somewhere and be happy. 

I don't enjoy abstractly floating around in this realm of discovery. 


  1. Welcome to life. ;) Finish your degree - you will have so many more options as a college grad than without it. But after that, you just have to get a job you think you will enjoy and be good at, and jump in! You CAN'T plan everything out... that's just not the way life works. So many people change careers multiple times in their lives, that's normal. What you want and enjoy in your work-life will also change as you grow older. Very, very few people choose a career at your age and then stick with it for their entire lives. Starting a career and being in the workforce also teaches you things about yourself that you can't learn as a student, which inevitably leads to changes in trajectory for most people. You will be fine. It's OK not to have all the answers and a perfect plan!

  2. This is kind of a tricky period of your life, but you will get through it mostly unscathed! :) As someone who has NEVER, EVER used her B.S. professionally, even I'd advise you to go ahead and finish your degree. While it may not necessarily help you find a job, not having it will hinder your job search, regardless of what you choose to do.

    I'd also work on developing your skills related to things that you're interested in but may not be learning on your degree path. Here's an example from my life: I have a B.S. in natural resources management, but graphic design and web languages (because I'm old, this means HTML, CSS, and JavaScript) have always interested me. All of my college classes were natural sciences like biology, geology, soil science, etc. My free time was spent practicing my interests in web design by creating and maintaining websites for organizations I was part of. (Well, when I wasn't drinking too much/skipping class to play Rock Band.) Those hobby skills have served me very well, letting me do freelance work in between jobs and helping me land my current job (that I very much enjoy).

    Sorry to write a novel! But you can absolutely get through this pre-life crisis and it is a totally, totally normal thing!

  3. Ugghh, I went through the same thing in college and even ended up switching from Pre-Vet to Forestry. It's a normal thing, although difficult. My advice is the same as the above. Stick it out and get your degree. I've done the following (condensed version lol): Vet tech-->college-->HORSES-->Park Ranger(thanks, forestry degree!)-->Paper Mill(that forestry degree again)-->HORSES (can't stay away!)-->GIS Tech(again, thanks forestry degree!). Contemplating time off for horses again. It's been fun, and honestly, although it looks all over the place on paper, it's all been a matter of one thing leading to another. Even though I knew I didn't want to follow the typical career path the forestry degree would imply, it's led to other opportunities which were a better fit for me and also given me the $ and freedom to do the things I love.

  4. fwiw, i pretty much had a complete identity crisis towards the end of my senior year in college (lasting through the first few months post-graduation). i mean, it makes sense in retrospect. shit kinda got real. i was suddenly responsible for making *big* choices about The Future.

    except - fact is, it was really fine. everything was fine. finish your degree, start fishing around. go ahead and pick a 'final destination' if you must, but don't be surprised if you maybe change your mind after a few months. exactly zero of my peers settled into their "dream" jobs immediately after college. most are only starting to learn what they really want 5-10yrs post graduation. priorities shift, ya know? it'll be ok tho, i promise!

  5. I think that having a total freak out is normal when you are so close to big decisions. I remember applying to jobs, and then having a meltdown because I didn't want that job...and then a bigger meltdown when I realized that maybe I did? Life is so confusing, and making that leap into a career can be frickin' terrifying. Just like the previous posters, remember that you can always make an adjustment later. No job is permanent unless you make it so. So for now, enjoy the wine, netflix, and get that seemingly silly classes done. The rest will figure itself out with time.