That's me. Running around blindly. Probably a bad idea to write a blog at 11 pm but this is going to keep me up all night.
I'm having my "pre-life crisis" (because I'm just barely an adult). And WHAT AM
I DOING WITH MY LIFE.
I've never really had this panic before. Not quite this full blown. Do I want to own a barn? Do I want a future in the horse business? Would I explode in a 9-5 job??
I'm irritated with school (mostly calculus and dumb teachers that DON'T STICK TO THE SYLLABUS). I'm kind of wondering why I'm doing this. I'm wondering if I should have gone to be a working student after highschool instead.
I mean I'll get this degree even if it leaves me heavily wounded by the end of it. I'm too far in and I don't think I would regret getting a degree.
But I know what I like in my life. Sleep. Naps. Cooking. Tacos. Playing with and taking care of my animals. I like planning. I like seeing end results. Wine and Netflix. No set schedule.
What do I do with that? I had everything planned out with my career counselor but now I don't know if that's what I want anymore (I've always had things "figured out" so this makes me paranoid that my entire life is a lie).
I know life is a journey and you can make different career choices along the road. But my brain doesn't work that way. I need a final destination to drive towards. And not just a stop, but final. The thought of this organic lifestyle changing careers and lifestyles midway through freaks me out. I want to get somewhere and be happy.
I don't enjoy abstractly floating around in this realm of discovery.